Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
