If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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