New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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