By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
