she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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