Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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