What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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