i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
