i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
