you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
