I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
