Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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