either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
