I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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