Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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