hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
