I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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