State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
