he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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