Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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