I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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