cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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