you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
