I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
