I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
