my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
