Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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