I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
