somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
