tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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