I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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