you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
