Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
