Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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