toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
