the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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