I didn't shave. On purpose
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
