she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
