I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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