he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
