if you like me you must not know who I am
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
