I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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