My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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