You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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