I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sarcasm needs its own font
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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