I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
