So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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