You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
