I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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