I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
