Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
