I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
