Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
