Pappa wants mamma naked
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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