the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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