You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
