can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
