I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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