To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
