I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
