i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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