the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
