I think my fart just growled at me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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