You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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