either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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