Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
