He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
