im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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