Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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