Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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