Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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