I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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