My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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