Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
please don't ironically join a cult
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