Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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