She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
