Hey man sorry I got all grabby
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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