Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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(701): View more from North Dakota

There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops

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(847): View more from Illinois

He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

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(845): View more from New York

im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.

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