We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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