my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found the puke drawer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
