I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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