You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
