the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
