i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
