what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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