The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
