So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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