dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
