I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What a dumb baby whore.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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