i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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