In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
kristin has been a bad kristin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
