he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?