Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.