I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.